Is 8th grade too early to share college financial concerns?

After reading Ron Lieber’s adapted article from his book The Price You Pay for College: An Entirely New RoadMap for the Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make, I found myself disagreeing with his educational philosophy. Know that Mr. Lieber is the “Your Money” columnist for the New York Times, and his writing has largely focused on how to save families money. But what’s clear is that Mr. Lieber is not an educator, and he’s certainly not someone who has ever worked with anxious or anxiety-ridden children.  Mr. Lieber’s philosophy is that there are merit scholarships out there and that you should make your 8th grader aware of your financial situation, encouraging your child to get good grades throughout his/her high school career so as to become eligible for some of them.

Indeed, parents can currently explore some merit scholarships through looking at each college’s “Net Price Calculator” on individual colleges Financial Aid pages. Parents can enter their own financial situation and on some college sites their student’s GPA and activities. Be aware that some colleges don’t offer merit scholarships—the Ivies, Amherst, Williams, Vassar, and Wesleyan are a few that come to mind. These are colleges that have put their money all towards Financial Aid, not merit.

 I want it said that I agree with Mr. Lieber that college has become exorbitantly expensive, some private colleges listing themselves for around 82K per year, compared to public universities, which cost less than half at each student’s in-state public university. Obviously, colleges are expensive. And as Mr. Lieber is correct in saying, colleges often don’t expect families to pay the full sticker price, particularly full-pay families. Several years ago, for example, I saw one college offer a strong full-pay student a 25K merit scholarship, while my straight-A, but far needier student received virtually nothing in merit. Why was this the case? That particular college made the determination that a 25K discount would end up saving more money for the college in the long term, potentially even leading to later development dollars both from the student and parent. Of course, the college called this “merit” thereby making the student feel rewarded and special, so as to encourage the student to attend. So not all merit scholarships are truly based on merit but are instead based on income. What many colleges (and some independent schools) have discovered is that by calling discount pricing “merit,” full-pay students on the fence feel both welcomed and special—and thus more likely to attend.

 And, of course, there are actual merit scholarships out there as well. This is where students may need to have excellent grades, outstanding rigor, high test scores, outstanding leadership or talent in an extra-curricular activity, have amassed hours of meaningful community service, or come from an underrepresented group. I’ve had students earn some outstanding scholarships at countless universities. Tulane, RPI, BU, University of South Carolina, University of Miami, Emory, and Lehigh come to mind. In these situations, after students apply, college admissions offices make the determination to disperse their own institutional money. In one case, a college representative at a non-merit scholarship university asked me about a student: “I want him on campus. What can we do? Where else was he accepted?” Hearing that the student was accepted at their competitor’s institution, the admissions officer offered him a research stipend for summer study, a stipend more than his professor mother was ever given. That did the trick. He enrolled.

Additionally, I’ve had students earn full or almost full rides at Boston University, University of Virginia, Duke University, University of Toronto, and Lafayette College, just to name a few. These merit scholarships are ridiculously hard to get. Not only does it require an acceptance to one of these colleges—and a potential nomination from the student’s high school counselor--but that student must also be one of the top students in the application pool. A mere “conversation” with an 8th grader is unlikely to achieve one of those scholarships.

What I’m most afraid of with regard to the transparency of disclosing financial need to students is the stress that this might put on 8th graders—never mind high school students. Eighth graders barely even know what college is, and they certainly don’t understand college funding. To hear from a parent what that parent may or may not be able to afford with regard to college could engender extreme distress, guilt, shame, and severe anxiety about their future. Students may decide that they don’t want to reach for college if it might add to their parent’s financial burden. I also want to mention this: that parents are expected to pay for college. Gone are the days when a summer job helped put a student through school. Summer jobs might—if students are lucky—pay a few thousand dollars, not even a drop in the bucket for what a student needs today to be able to afford college. Students also can’t take out loans—they simply don’t have the credit that would allow them the kind of credit needed for a mortgage. Lieber says that teens want to be treated as adults, so we should simply open the books to them. Teens also want to drive—that doesn’t mean we should give the keys to the car to an eighth grader. There are developmentally appropriate conversations that parents can have. Causing students to feel stress about college when they’re in the 8th grade isn’t one of those times. And further how would a Clark scholarship email find its way into an eighth grader’s inbox? Perhaps that student applied for a summer program or was encouraged—by that parent—to take an SAT.

 Even outside of college sourced merit scholarships, there are certainly plenty of other scholarships out there. Scholarships for bowling, for gardening, for service, etc. My recommendation to students is to apply for them as early as possible in the 12th grade and consider applying for them as if it were the equivalent of another class. Many require additional essays with a lot of extra work. My personal favorite is the one that asks students write an essay about how they would envision a zombie apocalypse. Needless to say, students should apply for as many scholarships as possible. Some might be based on an essay, others on academics, while others might require a student to share his/her FAFSA.

 So…what are some solutions to Lieber’s parenting advice?

 The real interactions that should start far earlier between parents and children is one where there’s an encouragement of a passion for learning. Parents should encourage students to read and enjoy learning. Teach students to be curious about the world around them. Encourage students to follow their passions. These are the students whom I’ve seen earn straight A’s. They don’t need to be told in eighth grade that grades matter because they’re already enjoying learning. These are the kids who build prosthetic limbs, excel in robotics, or become slam poets. These are the outstanding artists, writers, debaters, and scientists.  Don’t tell students in eighth grade that the stakes are high. Don’t mention to kids that the B that they may one day earn in ninth grade Algebra might count them out of a college or a scholarship opportunity, since that kind of stress and disappointment might be too much for a student to handle. Teach kids to have hope for their own future. Parents should express unconditional love and support for their kids at all times, teaching them that they’ll be able to succeed no matter their future grades.